Okay, here's my note--beyond my imaginative description of what my coming out experience was, this is what I'm feeling right now.
I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling lost. I feel like I've got eight million pounds of pressure on me and that it never ends. I feel like so much is expected of me, yet I can give very little. I feel like change is around the corner and while I'm so anxious for that change, I'm worried that that change will change me.
I'm afraid that life is going to get complicated real quick...this moment, this time that I've waited for all my life is here, and now. I feel like I'm being scrutinized for EVERYTHING I'm doing. I feel like people are watching me, not because they want to help me, but because they want to find something to shoot me down for.
I'm nervous, I'm scared, I don't know what I'm feeling...the only thing to call it is overwhelmed. I feel like life is rushing me, moving me even more quickly than I thought I could be taken, and one of the very few times in my life, now, I feel like I'm unable to deal with it. I just dont' know what to do from here, what life's bringing, what I can take on, and what I cannot take on. I just hope there's an answer. I think I might even pray tonight...something I haven't done in probably six months.
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