In honor of coming out week, I've decided to write my experience coming out of the closet. This is very personal, but very true. Just try to imagine living a life like this, it's a scary place. Those I've tagged were there with me through it and while many others were too, the words of encouragement I received from these individuals will stay with me forever. Others who have been tagged in some form played a very important role in the decision to come out in my life, in some form or another. Comments are welcomed.
Imagine existing without living
Imagine surviving without being.
Imagine being something on the inside but not showing it on the outside.
Imagine a life full of lies to your friends and family.
Imagine being shamed by your religion and your church.
Imagine not loving because of your shame.
Imagine not being able to show passion or compassion.
Imagine a life without love.
Imagine not ever enduring that first true love's kiss.
Imagine escaping the sweaty palms after the first date.
Imagine taking that person to prom who is more of a friend than a date.
Imagine having to shower in the locker room after gym class.
Imagine thinking to yourself, something's wrong, something isn't right.
Imagine praying to God for Him to change you.
Imagine reading passage after passage in the Bible that you are a disgrace.
Imagine hearing others that you're not good enough to go to Heaven.
Imagine being told that you'll burn in Hell.
Imagine the pulling of the knife out.
Imagine your friends and family that you'd leave behind.
Imagine putting the knife back in the drawer.
Imagine endlessly crying yourself to sleep because of your fears.
Imagine being alone because those around you would shun you.
Imagine deceding NEVER to tell your secret, not even to your best friend.
Imagine...
Imagine the anxiety, the pent-up emotion.
Imagine running from every responsibility you have to escape the pressure.
Imagine it not being good enough.
Imagine having to tell somebody.
Imagine picking who that somebody would have to be.
Imagine...
Imagine telling your first friend, a chance to finally blow like a volcano.
Imagine crying endlessly for hours because you've told a secret you'd never tell.
Imagine gaining support from somebody for the first time in your life.
Imagine the struggle that pursues between your spiritual and physical sides.
Imagine dicussing telling others.
Imagine telling the next person and gaining acceptance all over again.
Imagine then dreading about telling your BEST FRIEND.
Imagine the reaction--would he hate your or love you just the same?
Imagine telling person after person and realizing that it isn't bad, it's just you.
Imagine gaining your self-confidence back.
Imagine focusing so much on others that you forget to care about yourself.
Imagine being secure, knowing that it's okay.
Imagine...
Imagine a whirl-wind when somebody tells somebody you didn't want to know.
Imagine if the person who told did so out of care for somebody else.
Imagine that person was somebody who was your best friend.
Imagine feeling betrayed.
Imagine now, person after person are telling others, creating a snowball.
Imagine not having control.
Imagine not being ready.
Imagine your family finding out before you're ready to tell them.
Imagine taking action.
Imagine confirming the rumors to reality.
Imagine taking back control.
Imagine the support of several people, but not fully telling everybody.
Imagine telling some, but hiding from others.
Imagine still being unable to love who you want to love.
Imagine wanting.
Imagine needing.
Imagine slipping for the first time to temptation.
Imagine taking opportunity when available.
Imagine experiencing 21 years of wait during one drunken night.
Imagine finally realizing how important telling everybody is.
Imagine...
Imagine the phone call to mom.
Imagine sitting them down with brother.
Imagine tears and fears from both ends.
Imagine the worst case scenario, being told to leave by those who care for you.
Imagine then saying it as loud as you can with as much affirmation as you can.
Imagine saying "I'm gay."
Imagine the reaction.
Imagine listening to your parents cry and weep, and ask "how?"
Imagine listening to your brother say "it's a choice."
Imagine hearing those same passages say you're a sinner all over again.
Imagine that the worst-case scenario didn't happen.
Imagine that the shock is there, but they still love you.
Imagine that they're willing to work through it.
Imagine that you're willing to work through it with them.
Imagine hugs, and kisses and leaving from the house to go home.
Imagine...
Imagine for the first time a freedom.
Imagine that all weights are lifted off of you.
Imagine making the phone call to your friends saying "I told them."
Imagine the cheers and celebration.
Imagine the friend who's been there since day one saying they love you.
Imagine loving.
Imagine smiling.
Imagine living.
Imagine being.
Imagine...
Imagine living the life you've always dreamed and actually saying it.
Imagine telling everybody without shame or fear of whom you want to love.
Imagine finally being able to go out on a date.
Imagine finally being able to care about the person that you wanted to care for.
Imagine life out of the closet.
Imagine life being gay and living gay.
Imagine...
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